IOC Practice

I choose to analyze the passage below:

It was like we had walked from the sun right into the chilly shade.
Ruth had been right: Madame was afraid of us. But she was afraid of
us in the same way someone might be afraid of spiders. We hadn't
been ready for that. It had never occurred to us to wonder how we
would feel, being seen like that, being the spiders.
By the time we'd crossed the courtyard and reached the grass,
we were a very different group from the one that had stood about
excitedly waiting for Madame to get out of her car. Hannah looked
ready to burst into tears. Even Ruth looked really shaken. Then one of
us- I think it was Laura-said:
"If she doesn't like us, why does she want our work? Why
doesn't she just leave us alone? Who asks her to come here anyway?"
No one answered, and we carried on over to the pavilion, not
saying anything more about what had happened.
Thinking back now, I can see we were just at that age when we
knew a few things about ourselves- about who we were, how we were
different from our guardians, from people outside- but hadn't yet
understood what any of it meant. I'm sure somewhere in your childhood,
you too had an experience like ours that day; similar if not in the actual
details, then inside, the feelings. Because it doesn't really matter how
well your guardians try to prepare you: all the talks, videos, discussions,
warnings, none of it can really bring it home. Not when you're eight years
old, and you're all together in a place like Hailsham; when you've got
guardians like the ones we had; when the gardeners and delivery men
joke and laugh with you and call you "sweetheart."
All the same, some of it must go in somewhere. It must go in,
because by the time a moment like that comes along, there's a part of
you that's been waiting. Maybe from as early as when you're five or six,
there's been a whisper going at the back of your head, saying: "One day,
maybe not so long from now, you'll get to know how it feels." So you're
waiting, even if you don't quite know it, waiting for the moment when
you realise that you really are different to them; that there are people out
there, like Madame, who don't hate you or wish you any harm, but who
nevertheless shudder at the very thought of you- of how you were brought
into this world and why- and who dread the idea of your hand brushing
against theirs. The first time you glimpse yourself through the eyes of a
person like that, it's a cold moment. It's like walking past a mirror you've
walked past every day of your life, and suddenly it shows you something
else, something troubling and strange.

I tried to upload the recording but I don't know how to work such sorcery. 
Ill try and upload it to youtube tonight or tomorrow and edit this with the link.


For criterion A, I would give myself a 5 because I included references to the text such as word choices and quotes, but I didn't use as many. I thought that I did not show a great deal knowledge of the text because my recording only lasted 6 minutes.

For criterion B, I grade myself at a 6, My usage of literary devices was in my opinion great at showing my understanding of the passage and the text. I also included POV and effect on reader to further show meaning.

For criterion C, I would give myself a 4, I felt as if my commentary was easy to understand and gave good logic to what I was saying but I wasn't sure of what I saying for some part.

For criterion D, I would give myself a 3 because I think that my sentences were fluid but when listening back I tallied up the um's to a total of 20 :/. For the most part I wasn't confident in what I was saying which led to me questioning myself during the recording.